Archive for January, 2009


As an individual with a unique perspective, I have noticed one particular thing reading profiles on online dating sites. Most everyone wants to start a relationship, be it a fling or long term relationship. But, the one thing that stands out in many profiles is the statement
“I want to be me, take me as I am”. Sound familiar?

Well, the truth is, it is a statement easier said than done in a relationship. Why? Because women like to try changing the men they are with. They are never happy with something we do. Or, it is a malevolent gene that surfaces in the early stages of a relationship. And they are not aware of themselves doing it…yeah right !! Lol.

This action will always stress out the guy. He will not be at ease with himself, especially when with his girl. The girl, being an astute creature, picks up on the guys behavior, asking “What’s wrong” .. duh!

Women are less likely to feel this way. They are too caught up with being spoiled and taken care of. They are primarily the instigators. So I say this to all of you women out there…You’ll get more flies with honey than you will with vinegar!
Think about it!


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Some women may call it therapy, some may call it addiction, but it is nothing more than them being outright shop-a-holics! While it is true that they feel somewhat relaxed (therapy) or get a high (addiction) from it, that is just plain old rationalization.

What I can not fathom, for the life of me, is why the great need or desire for it! I mean, how many pairs of shoes or handbags, or what evers do you women need?

I understand the concept, (partially), of wishing to be fashionably in fashion, and I do understand it makes sense, if you need an item on sale, to purchase it. But there has to be a point where it becomes overdone! I really don’t think any woman would ever admit to that though!

So call it what you may, and convince yourself of it, it’s still just good old SHOPPING!

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I would like to believe that, in a normal, healthy relationship, that both partners would go outside of themselves, forego their personal safety net. It is called love, a simple 4 letter word to which countless literature has been written, spanning eternity!

It is that feeling one gets in a relationship when the happiness or serenity for the other, outweighs the feeling of that individual, without regret, without remorse. It comes from the heart. And it feels good too.

While it is not always an easy process for some people to do, it is very necessary for the survival and endurance of the relationship. It is a cornerstone, a building block, a foundation, which can not be learned. It has to come straight from the heart, not from the head or its value is lost and meaningless!

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Is Being Single So Bad?


I guess that depends on the individual. Many women think so. Part of that biological clock syndrome, I suppose. I believe it is less of a priority for men than for women. I know it is for me!

When I’m in a relationship, regardless of how it is progressing, I feel a underlying need for my freedom. The truth be told, the longer I am in a relationship, even when it is with a girl I really like, I feel a need to be single again. At first I suspected it was just wanderlust, but now I’m not totally sure. I hate feeling like I’m the kind of guy that just wants a girlfriend for some company and sex, but it seems like that is exactly what happens!

In the past, I’ve had a few live-in girlfriends. I ended up hating doing that, and will not do that again! It felt like a combination of marriage and jail sentence, all in one. My freedom can’t be taken away from me, and really is not, except for the perception in my mind, which is probably why I am happiest when single but dating. Hell, isn’t it better to make many girls unhappy instead of just one? And variety IS the spice of life !

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A picture may be worth a thousand words but in the case of online dating quite often it pays to be deaf! The majority of people who place profiles on the various dating sites found on the Internet are honest, and have the best of intentions, however there are those that try to try to get us to believe that ‘their picture was only taken last year’. Last year, probably not, most of the time last century may be a bit closer. Again, this is not the majority of people I meet, but there are those out there who truly test the limits. There is nothing that distresses more than showing up at Starbuck’s or another little café in anticipation of a real life encounter with a lovely lady whom I have been getting to know through the Internet. Pictures are emailed back and forth, there are numerous Instant Messages and perhaps even a series of phone calls leading up to the actual encounter. The tension builds as I wait patiently for that twenty-plus year old medical student from Coconut Grove, what shows up is a bit different from what I expected.

When someone tells me they are twenty plus years old, I would expect someone in their mid to late 20’s, not some one who is twenty plus an additional twenty years old. If I wanted someone in their forties I would have searched for one. And as for the medical student part, well I do feel there is a big difference between being in medical school and collecting Medicare! It is amazing to me how these people actually think we won’t notice the differences between what they tell us online and who they actually turn out to be.

We all embellish just a bit when we first meet someone, its only natural to try and present ourselves in the best possible light, but it seems that some of the single women that have showed up in real life are best seen with that light switched off. I have met quite a few attractive women through the online dating sites, and many have been quite a bit beyond my expectations, and for this reason I still search the quality themed sites on the Internet. So, if you are preparing to meet that special someone you have been communicating with for a while, be sure to ask for current pictures before the actual meeting and above all, have an exit strategy in place. If she tells you she will be arriving in a 1955 classic corvette, make sure she is not the original owner!

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Is self sabotage in a relationship a conscious or unconscious decision? I truly wonder, as many friends I have spoken to, both male and female, and including myself seem to feel that. Could it simply be that there is something about the person or nature of the relationship that we don’t like, and so we do everything possible to destroy it? Or, does the desire to terminate a relationship, reside totally in ones subconscious, and it is the outward reactions or manifestations that reach the conscious level?

Have you ever broken up with someone out of the blue for apparently no reason you can think of on a conscious level? I know that I have. But, it is not until later, upon going over the circumstances, that I realize it was my inner gut feelings (subconsciously) telling me something was wrong.

Then there are those people who, for reasons known only to them, or may be not, will purposely ruin a healthy, viable relationship. May be they get scared, or cold feet. Maybe they feel inadequate, or not worthy of the relationship they are in, or not worthy of a relationship period!

Now, to fully put my foot in my mouth, I will boldly make the statement that relationship self sabotage is predominantly a female occurrence! I made this statement only after asking the women in my office, their opinions.

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Why is it both guys and girls always look for each other while maintaining a wolf pack mentality? The answer is, it is safer!
Safer, maybe, but your chances of meeting are reduced by a factor of who you are with. Women are notorious for traveling with an entourage. Remember this fact ladies, men are visually hardwired
If they are the support system for one of the girls, bottom line is they better not be prettier than she, or her chances of a connection wane.
The same logic holds true for men, but to a lesser degree.

People always go for the tried and proven places and methods to find
one another, be it a bar, mall, or social event, what ever.
I have found a different approach to this by simply doing the obvious.
I eat alone! It sounds all to simple and lackluster but it works.
There is no entourage of people around me so, by percentage, my chances go up! I usually do this during lunchtime, and at restaurants close to busy office buildings, near where I work.

The lunch crowd seems to bring the most amount of women, and it is a short period of time, so your timing is critical. You must use that time in the best way possible. After two or three times to the same place at the same time, you get to know the “regulars” who frequent that establishment. You also get a good idea of who is single, married, or possibly on the prowl, as they do too !

I make it a point to smile and say hello to the regular females that I feel an attraction to. Soon, I’m having lunch with them, having conversations with them, and see where it could possibly lead.
If a connection doesn’t happen then…. I wanted lunch anyways ! Lol

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