Posts Tagged ‘online dating’

People still don’t get it! Some friends of mine run a very successful dating site and his number one complaint is the type and quality of the photos that his members upload to the site. He runs a well organized website and wants members to succeed in their quest for love and a relationship. But it is up to the members to want to make it happen.

All too often the same pattern emerges. First of all, you are looking to make a connection, so why use pictures of you and your friends in the photos you upload? A good dating site has employees who then have to crop out the other people resulting in an inferior photo. Since most sites allow 3 photos, the rule of thumb is use a close-up shot as your primary pic, followed by a full length, and ending with perhaps you in a vacation like setting. In all photos, show your face, don’t use masks, blackouts, or large sunglasses. You are trying to make a good visual representation of yourself. And try to avoid those bathroom mirror self portraits with your cellphone’s camera. Use a real camera, and have someone take your pix. That will go a long ways online! Girls, understand that guys are visual creatures, so a good pic is essential. And not one with your ex boyfriend as that is a major turnoff.

For the guys, yes, your car looks terrific, but you want a date with a girl, not Dale Earnhardt Jr. So many photos are submitted with full length car pix, that the guy looks tiny. Guys, you too are representing yourself, not the car. These same rules apply for men as well as women, that being, 1-face shot, 2-full length, and 3-scenic shot. And if you are going to submit a photo with your shirt off, you better have a good build, or women will just see that beer belly.

It all comes down to this…you get out what you put in to it.


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Almost every time I log on to an online dating site, I seem to see the same recurring question line from the female members. That being, “Are there any good men left?” I believe the answer is a big YES, there are! Now everybody has probably gotten burned in a relation. It’s just one of those things that occur in that thing we call, life.

Mostly, it is as a result of a bad past relationship. Perhaps the guy didn’t have money (a very common gripe with women) as they like to feel financially secure, perhaps he didn’t hold the door open for her (another common gripe), thereby failing in chivalry. Oh jeez, execute them right now!

But it is not always the males fault either. We would love to give you everything you want, but it is not always possible to do so. On ther other hand, why do all the women on these sites want to be treated like the princesses they think they are, or the one time the guy doesn’t hold the door open because may be something other than her was on his mind, he is instantly labeled.

Women seem way too quick to judge an individual man, let alone all men. Maybe when they stop believing that they are ultra special creatures to whom the guy has to be worthy, they will get more out of the relationship. Remember the saying, the more you want, the less you’ll get, and the same goes vice versa. So, to you ladies, there is something for you to think about!

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As an individual with a unique perspective, I have noticed one particular thing reading profiles on online dating sites. Most everyone wants to start a relationship, be it a fling or long term relationship. But, the one thing that stands out in many profiles is the statement
“I want to be me, take me as I am”. Sound familiar?

Well, the truth is, it is a statement easier said than done in a relationship. Why? Because women like to try changing the men they are with. They are never happy with something we do. Or, it is a malevolent gene that surfaces in the early stages of a relationship. And they are not aware of themselves doing it…yeah right !! Lol.

This action will always stress out the guy. He will not be at ease with himself, especially when with his girl. The girl, being an astute creature, picks up on the guys behavior, asking “What’s wrong” .. duh!

Women are less likely to feel this way. They are too caught up with being spoiled and taken care of. They are primarily the instigators. So I say this to all of you women out there…You’ll get more flies with honey than you will with vinegar!
Think about it!

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I have gone out with numerous single women, many of whom I have met through the wonders of modern technology. The World Wide Web and its numerous venues for online dating and more recently a miss directed text message in which I was able to give some wonderful dating advice to a young woman; (who then had little problem with texting me her photo), is a great method of initially meeting people.

There is however one fly in the proverbially Internet dating ointment, you cannot tell an individual’s personal hygiene habits from behind a computer screen! There are many things that may be revealed in a real life encounter that modern technology cannot easily pick up, even on the best flat screen computer monitor. I mean really, I understand that plucking out protruding nose hairs is time consuming work, but there are just some things that are worth the effort. The sense of smell, is something so vital to really getting to know someone, and until smellivision is discovered, it’s a crap shoot until that first in person meeting.

Have you ever danced with a woman to a slow, classic beat, held her hand tight in yours and then took a long deep smell of her hair? This can be one of the most erotic moments on a date. Now picture that same scenario, but when you take her hand in yours her nails look like she uses the metal grinder at the local auto repair shop for manicures, and that scent in her hair is actually residue from her morning job at the Fulton fish market! These observations are not meant to upset anyone, they are merely pet peeves of mine.

I guess the reason I am so concerned about online dating and personal hygiene, is because I feel it’s misrepresenting yourself if you come off over the Internet as suave and sophisticated, yet you believe taking a shower is optional, not mandatory. If you don’t take pride in your overall appearance and cleanliness, I wonder what else in your life do you not care much about. It a lot like the girl who beat me out for valedictorian in high school, Mary Jane Stemkowski, whose armpits smelled so bad that to this day I still believe the teachers gave her A’s for not raising her hand in class. And please, do not misconstrue, this goes equally for men!!

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Sometimes I get nostalgic about my younger, glory days of single dating. There was no such thing as online dating, in fact, when I was in my late teens/early 20’s, there was no internet! To find a girl for a date, you had to do some legwork, not click a button to see a profile(s) and type an initial email. Oh yea, also no such thing as email! Lol. Now we live in the 21st century, techno immediate gratification world where it is all too simple. There is such a plethora (I like that word!) of faces to view online, from all over the world, a real smorgasbord of looks, shapes and sizes, that even if you get virtually rejected, there is no pain. You easily can just move on to the next!

In the old days you were basically limited to your area’s bars, clubs, markets, whatever. If you lived in more rural areas, your chances of successfully meeting some one new and exciting were severely diminished. But still people found a way to do so. They made it work, they had no other options. They had to work with the situations presented to them. They went to fairs and festivals, and other social events.

People have gotten lazy in dating, and the social graces. They don’t speak, they text on the fly, they don’t write letters, they eMail. They don’t put in the time and effort, but they do know how to press click and delete.

Oh, the good ole days!

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To all of you readers out there in the blogosphere, the ones who have joined online dating sites, now or in the past, a question posed to you. How many of you, male or female, have told the truth on their profiles, or just slightly embellished on it, or outright embellished your profile to the point that it isn’t even you? That many !! I’m not really that surprised. Let’s face it, this is cyberspace, where you can be “all that you can be” or be “all that you want to portray yourself to be”. The guys always seem to write in their profiles of how physical they are (yet they send photos with their bellies hanging out), jobs they don’t possess, or salaries they only wish for! OK, the male logic is that the women will think, hey, I have a good job, am financially secure, so I’m perceived as stable, and single.

The women are no better than the men in regards to their profiles. Their pictures are usually 5 years old or older with the always obligatory bathroom mirror shot, to hide the fact that they have aged (well, in my case, the upper 40 and lower 50 year olds) have met with the pull of gravity! To the female psyche, her older photos make her believe she will be more desirable to the viewing public. She’s right also! Except that once we get past the online hype, and have to meet on a physical playing ground, all the embellished BS will quickly fade to obscurity. Tell the truth on your online profiles, and meet the one who whom you can be honest with from the beginning. Those are the relationships that endure!

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A close friend of mine recently asked me if I ever tried online dating. He was extremely surprised when my answer was an affirmed yes. He said, “Why would you have to resort to that”? My answer was simple. We live in the 21st century, the digital age of discovery. Where anything and anyone can be researched or googled. So why not online dating! It makes good business sense. Seems that there is a dating site for whatever you want. There is that diversity, that spice of life.
I’ve found that there are a lot of really nice people out there in cyberspace, and by reading their profile, and a look at their photo, a date can be just a click away. It is also pretty safe. An ex girlfriend of mine once wrote this poem about online dating. It went as follows:

I met my new lover
My life is complete
And if he annoys me
I just press DELETE
I think this method of dating is here to stay. It just has too many advantages to keep ones interest peaked! It also feeds into our technical, digital insatiable lust for immediate gratification. What other method of dating could ever produce such results. We live in an online world, so embrace it, and the amenities it provides us. She or he can be in the same city, a different state, or the other side of the world. Now how cool is that !!!






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